sun-ed. its close to 10 and i'm home.. just did a little spring cleaning to my room, filed up stuff and all tat. awfully tired. there's seriously something wrong with my stomach i tell u.. i keep having to gooo. not just being lactose intolerant.. i can't put my finger on what exactly. =/

alena left today. during cell when we went one round to say something about alena, before it was my turn, i just started tearing away, and when it got to MY TURN, i just sat there and cried. sooo useless. how to express my feelings in words? how to say thank you for being such a wonderful encouragement every cell lesson? how to say goodbye?

she has sooo much potential to be a wonderful leader, but yah, if not in Speedlight, at least in her new church. sigh. deep down inside i pray tat she'll continue to grow, yet i feel a sense of loss. definitely. so when she hugged me just now, i just sat there and cried. i'm freaking useless i tell u. jian han was really sweet, he sms-ed me on his way to church cuz he left earlier and to summarize it all, he said, "dont' be too sad k? we know that she'll keep growing in the other church..dun be sad..." read that sms when i got to church, and i just sat there, touched by his gesture, saddened by the departure, a little frustrated with the THREE, tired by the journey.

i really really thank God for blessing me with a great cell. so much to do, so little time.

saw rach and her bro in e sanc just now.. sat behind them for a little while. saw how difficult it was for rach to breathe and all, my heart just ached i tell u. how much i take for granted each and every breath.. do hope u feel better dearie. u will. in Him alone.

watched Lena Maria today in cell. felt the lack of purpose in my life. felt taking my family, my life, my friends for granted. felt so faraway from Him. cuz i have been oh so far. lookin for comfort, looking for gratification, looking in all the wrong places. so once again, my hardened heart was made a little softer, a little more mouldable, a little more able to allow Him to work again. i'm getting there, just a little more.

-looking up to Jesus-