was reading a reply from my friend's e-mail.. and i couldn't help feel guilty. hmmm.. how do i say it.. maybe it's a weekend thingy.. but still.. throughout the week.. i dunnoo.. my cell was never on my mind? not never, but it just wasn't a priority.. screwed.

i know deep down inside, i'm not doing my utmost for the Lord.. not anymore.. not giving excuses.. honestly, i'm just drained. drained with everything.. and it's hard to keep giving when there's nothing left inside? was preparing for the lesson tmr.. and i dunnoo.. how would u teach a lesson on breakthro n christian meditation when spiritually i'm so out? it's just hard..

been reading Matthews... the parables.. and the Parable of the Sower just struck a chord in my heart.. sometimes i feel like i'm the seed that fell among the thorns.. i hear the word.. i understand the promises and all the "i must do's" as a christian.. but when the worries.. fears just come my way.. it comes upon in a mother load. my faith isn't shaken.. it's just that it's hard to pray.. cuz i don't know where to begin? hmmm... so they say..

gonna go downstairs to the park for a jog.. and i'll just go for a stroll.. to feel that sense of peace.. it's just hard to explain.. like i'm just taken away from the world or something.. just me and Him. maybe i'll come up and take my bible downstairs.. it's true, the Word of God is a staple.. and i think i've been starving for the past week.. i do read but i'm not reading? eh.. how do i put it.. nvm.

well well well.. am home alone and i love it. a house without the family rocks. so.. we'll see.

-hope-