so much has happened.. yet i dunno where to start. fighting battles, and some i dunno whether its time to raise the white flag.

finally back from bangkok, and no, i didn't shop like crazy, but i did watch 2 movies and stood up for their national athem. and no, i didn't get any coconuts. drats. =/

cell is in the midst of transformation. i just wanna say that He is more than enough for us. if ever a time u need confirmation that He is watching u, dial my number. i'm serious. cuz He is. there were times when i felt like (-)ve 1 on the sine curve, so discouraged, so empty, so numb? yes, there was. yet, in His own way.. i was reminded time and time again of His goodness and providence. take yesterday for example.. i was sitting in the office with the alvin's.. waiting for 5pm to come so that we can start our prayer thingy.. and Lewis Lam was right next to me.

He said "How are u? How's yr cell group?".. i know this sounds like a normal question.. one where u can just say.. i'm fine, cell's good. but i didn't.. i started sharing about my cell, the questions i face.. the stuff i'm grappling with.. and Lewis started sharing too. it was definitely very uplifting, very encouraging. [this is what sunday's should be!!!!] cuz He said this, [i sorta rephrased it cuz i can't remember exactly what he said..], if ever a time u or yr cell members feel so dry, or just take christianity lightly, you are too filled up with worldy stuff. that was a lightbulb moment for me. He went on further sharing with me what he did with his cell [pri 6's]... and how they went "huh??? no cell ah!!" when he told them it was games day yesterday.

i want tat for my cell. i want them to say HUH? no cell ah. dun get me wrong.. sometimes when u've prep so much for a lesson, all u ever want is for them to catch it on, and engrave it in their hearts.

But, yes ling [i know yr rolling yr eyes cuz with me, there's always a but..], how can i want that for them when my own life is so caught up with the world. time to take the roots out. woke up and laid in bed reflecting about my life.

some stuff seem so grey and hazy now, cuz i jsut can't remember them so clearly anymore. others, i think i've let go and forgotten completely. memories. all bitter-sweet, what do u remember most? the heartaches? the (+)ve one's on the sine curves?

build me up buttercup

i don't know where to begin on this. i don't know what to say anymore cuz i just don't know. i'm not gonna do anything anymore cuz i don't need to. i'm not gonna explain anymore cuz it needs no explaination. i should have tried harder, i should have. all the i should have's could circle around the earth at least twice. no point living in regrets. i'm gonna let it go, cuz there's no point clinging onto words, cuz if u look beyond that, they're just empty.

you're walking with stupid.

-love me if you dare-