finally done with "Passion & Purity".. *pats own back*

"If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go, or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul."

How do you its time to let go? How do you go about praying about something that needs direction and needs an answer? How long must you wait? Elizabeth Elliot waited 6 years. Its so hard to just wait and not hear, getting impatient. its like my insides are screaming.. "HOW LONG MORE?!"

i'm a need-to-be-in-control kinda person? just so hard to relinquish control. if there was such a thing as what i was in my past life, i would definitely be a DONKEY. yeah, i'm a stubborn ass. literally. learning the art of shutting up. so much said, yet nothing can be done, so might as well just shut up. yarrp.

somedays, when i wake up, i feel like slapping myself. other times, i just don't wanna wake up. i'm really looking forward to leaving this place. i'm tired of dealing with issues that were never meant to be dealt with, cuz all they've ever been were extra worries for concern. tired of asking myself what are we. haven't i swept enough under the carpet? if it wasn't for the carpet, or Him, how could i have gotten this far? how could i let myself not know. such false sense of security, false sense of hope, false sense of thinking that the maybe's could become the now, OH SHUT UP CORDELIA TAN. oh shut up.

i'm not bitter, so don't take it the wrong way. i'm not angry, i'm not disappointed. i'm just overwhelmed, tats all. leaving for the better.

making the best of a lesson learnt in time.

-supernatural delight-