the past catches up oh too soon

haven't really shared this, but yeah.. might as well once and for all. i was diagnosed[i know diagnosed sounds so terminal.. ah.. but u get my drift lah] with asthma in secondary school, dunno why, but yeah. had one very major asthma attack in sec 1 where the ambulance was nearly sent for. pretty dependent on my ventolin, esp when the band went to Australia... those rides where they always say [ppl with heart conditions, pregnant.. are advised not to go on it]... hahaha. i sat them and nothing happened. always trusted the Lord for complete healing.. this came to pass before i entered JC. jo can u remember my 2.4km timings?? hahaha. dunno how i got the NAFA pin at the end.

don't know WHAT got into me when i joined sea sports club, esp kayaking... pretty high cardio sport, thank God nothing major happened... except, i can't remember who's kayak.. but it rammed right into my chest, as in full speed and all... cuz my k1 capsized. didn't feel pain so i tot, ah.. nothing's wrong. plus life after that was like filled with sports related stuff... till today. have always enjoyed sports, esp water related ones [okay i will get my Sailing license soon, i promise.]...

here's the thing. i'm not feeling well again. i tink last year i had an acute attack but after like 20 mintues it got better... had a minor asthma attack this morning. i thought it was just some chest pain, but carried on thro' the day. as i type away, i can feel my whole rib cage pressing against my heart. which is pretty sore if u ask me. told mummy but she brushed it aside... hurr hurr. i've stopped jogging late at nights, esp after the incident where this guy was jogging and he just fell dead on the floor. that's superbly scary, esp if you're jogging late in the night[which i love lah]. fret not, i'm going to the doc's tmr.

so i'm here, asking for prayer support.. pls keep my heart in prayer... cuz i cannot take anymore major catastrophic experiences. esp sunday's... sometimes i tink they are little trials God puts in the way so that i can appreciate and depend on Him while teaching them.

what if... one fine day, you realise i'm gone; what would u do? i know this sounds sick, but i always wondered who will attend my funeral, what would it be like... how long more do i have to stay in this world that is just temporary. i'm so tempted to say.. my heart will go on [which is such a cliche and i choose not too.. *laughs*].

have i made an impact? have i shared and done what was needed?

a few years back, i was napping in the hall... home alone as usual, when i woke up.. it was 4pm and the sky was pitch black ok. as in BLACK LIKE CHARCOAL kinda black.. i tot.. oh my Lord.. are u coming now??? so many faces and instances flashed acrosee me, and i started praying... no no no.. not now.. pls not now.. my parent's aren't saved... my loved ones too.. and then it started raining with thunder and all tat. that was definitely pure fear cum guilt in action.

everytime i need a "push" to share with my dad, i'll just imagine the day of rapture; and boldness overwhelms me. so true, evangelism needs to be a lifestyle. so does discipleship. slowly integrating them as a lifestyle. really thank God for all the wonderful opportunities to share, esp with Jinli and Bendini.. and with daddy too. *jumps for joy while holding chest*

another thing i need an answer to : should i get my braces on? pls reply by tagging on tagboard.. i neeed this answer..cannot wait till sch starts.

let me be used for Your sake, for my life is but Yours.