be still my soul, be still my soul.

tired. flapped out tired okay. reached home at 8.15pm. i can finally tell sufeng.. OEI! i understand!!! ahhh.. how she travelled back and forth last time even after kayaking training.. i'm still wondering. =/

tired of having to listen and deal with my schoolmate problems day in-day out. same old stuff. same old issues. ah. this is more tiring than doing my tutorials. it so is. don't get me wrong, i like them.. just that i wish they could just GET ON WITH LIFE and stop being so oblivious to the things/ppl around them. this is me going to blow if i have to listen anymore of it. anymore i tell u.

everytime i get worked up or just feeling "urgh".. really wanna go down to the Apple shop to get my ipod. if not for the slavish price on it, it would be in my bag everyday.

gonna tighten my braces this thurs. URGH. so i'm chewing what i can. =)

looking forward to...
FRIDAY! come home + sleep + spend time prep-ing for sunday
wanna go and support Engie's band "No compromise" on saturday...
FIRST camp com meeting this sunday
printing cell t-shirt

often wonder how great God's heart is. i look at my own heart, somedays i feel like fainting[cuz of work or stuff], other days when i think about how much i lack as a person cum leader, heart aches. dunno whether u've felt this before, but have u felt like someone was squeezing yr heart? as in, literally? till it ached so bad? i mean, not the asthma kinda pain, but the somewhat like the heartache when u broke up with someone kinda thing?

my heart is going in many directions now. family, cell, camp comm, friends, sch work. wooohoo. divided u say? nope. all independent to be interdependent. hence, NOT mutually exclusive. hahaha. i'm going nuts.

what is left undone in yr life? what is yr greatest regret?

STOP mulling. start living.

oh shut up and be still. [STILL TRYING]

He's the man, man.

woke up and realised i was sleeping on my fan remote... slavishness. went to the toilet to see this huge rectangular red imprint on my forehead. ha. boooooya.

played with my brother today. good fun. tested him on his multiplications + some english stuff like... "as small as.... , or as noisy as....". when i was in primary 2, i was still doing 8+8 = ? GOLLY GOODNESS. how much the syllabus has changed. =/

finally started reading my 2008 electrical circuits stuff. took eons but i got through. twos complement. hurr hurr. logic gates. SO logical. finally got time to watch some tv... the "sanduo" chinese series was showing.. the one with a gazillion episodes? hahaha. nice relief from electric circuits. *call me crazy*

ms was gooooood stuff. goooood stuff. how we chinese take for granted the "freedom" in choosing our religions. [though some of us faced persecutions but never ever to the point of killing someone for it]. somehow i attended ms today with my insides rather a-okay, not flustered... stood up to stand in proxy for mummy. just prayed, and prayed.... prayed till i broke down. thank goodness a gospelighter came to me cuz i was sitting right smack in the middle.. so its rather hard for them to walk in cum pray.. but thank God she did. Godsent, definitely. felt comforted and at the same time, saw and imagined how my mum's condition will be healed.

honestly believe that as we pray in tongues, the Spirit interceeds for us. that to me is a gift from God. i know that His healing has begun in my mum's life... she was touched last week... this week she stayed at home to rest... today she came home telling me about an old friend she met at the market and how her friend has cancer.

me: "did u invite her to the miracle service ma?"
mum: "but she's a buddhist... i saw her, then i felt so sad... "
me:" YES OF COURSE CAN LAH...!"
mum: "is it? okay.. i will call her next week to go with me."

so u see.. everything happens for a reason. didn't blame God when mum found out she had 4 fibroids and a cyst in her womb... knew it was for a reason. this is the reason, for her to bring her friends to Christ too. i'm not saying "YAY!" mummy got sick, i'm saying... God will NOT allow someone to suffer just for no rhyme or reason. it is thro' our weakness, He works.

just like what He's doing in my mum's life, in my family's life, He will do much more in yours. just persevere in prayer. it took me 6 years to bring my mother to Christ.. just pray. just believe. be bold in sharing. let your life be a testimony for Him. =)

ditzy mode
been going around telling everyone i wanna get married. those la-la moments. i know i want a swing in my house. those in the balcony where u can just spend the whole day reading, enjoying?? yarrp. i want those ratten ones. comfy. AND photos everywhere... black white, coloured... toilet door to have "EXIT" written on it or something like that. i want my phone to look like a toothbrush or something weird. grin. *day dreaming, again*

spangles. oodles. much to think about.
living. dreaming. wishes away.
fleeting moments just pass us by.

make no mistake.
the answers aren't so clear.
we wait. we pray. we hope. we wish.

what don't you know?
what do you see?
a future. i wish.
was a meant to be.

my life is not my own. for you are Great.

farewell stone!! see how pretty stone has become?!?! we all need to go to the states i tell u. grin. nice meeting up with the rest after OH SO LONG. managed to catch up with jan... heh. kai jie also has braces! les still MAN.. doggy still doggish. wooot. jinli carrying my bag.. *heavy sia* 

nus cell. check out the mugging. erney's hilarious i tell u. check out column 3 row 2, the guy at the backdrop.. HE ISN'T FROM NUS CELLL OKAY. extra. =/ hahahah. sue looks sleepy.. all of our eyes screams *WE NEED SLEEP* 

camp!

excited about the upcoming church camps.. a long way more to go, yet i can feel it. revival. taking on the role of camp commandent. exciting exciting. these few days been praying over the camp com, roles to be filled... directions needed, but most of all, His will be done, not mine. learning the ropes as i go along... so far so good. got my own excel list of things to be done... sound like admin again.. BUT this time round rather different. WOOOOOOT!

excited to be part of such a wonderful team. *huge metal brace-ish grin*

spoke to Bro Pacer today. went well.. he asked "Why do i feel the passion for my cell?". in a few seconds i answered, "i dunno why or how, but it stems from my love for them." somehow, somewhere in time, my love for them grew within the burdens, within the rebelliousness, within the times when i felt the heartaches.

i'm stubborn in the things i believe. therefore sometimes, it takes awhile to adjust to the way how ppl see things, do things and how they appear to be. behind every face, behind the facades we hide behind... do we carry with us our hurts, our disappointments, our bitterness? is it piled upon each other that the very foundations its laid on are mere cracks that become more acute with time? inasmuch as we try to be... its time to give it up to the Lord. time to stop hurting. time to stop carrying but releasing. =)

training myself to be refreshed in the Word. while waiting for daddy to get ready or while on the mrt train to school, such travelling time... so precious. so i begin my day with His word. my eyelids were like eyeswideshut 2 days ago, but nevertheless.. i took out my bible... read a chapter.. dwelled on certain verses.. felt refreshed. felt joy. felt sustained for the day ahead[9 hrs of school]. happy happy to have Him. woohoo. so amazing to spend time with Him.

felt purposeless last week... the flesh is speaking. hahahaa. but now, things are looking up. perspectives ironed out... now with additional roles. may be helping my friend out in one of NTU's some publicity stuff with short films and photo taking. EXCITING TOO. harnessing my passions in the right way.. i hope.

something to share

you know how sometimes u get off the phone feeling so unsettled, yet there's nothing u can do. u think about why u said what u said, or what the other party said... u tink, u mull over it, u ask yrself why u did what u did.. hours can pass just like that. hurr hurr. BUT, for the past week, even though there were points like these, i was able to go on doing what i was doing, or turning in to bed without the thoughts scrambling here and there. i can sense His hand in this matter.

sometimes i wish i knew the answers. sometimes when the flesh takes over, feel sad-ish about how things are... its all these sometimes that takes a toll? dunno how to explain. but now.. things are looking up, cuz i'm looking up to Him. yay.

patience. understanding. communication.

my bro and mummy just came back from charlie and the choc fact! its like 11.45pm on a school nite. LOL... =)

this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

dim sum-ed. =)

finally, i can declare.. I WATCHED DIM SUM DOLLIES! woooooooot. finally watched something in the esplanade. goood seats too. kungfu part was funny, the merlion one too... all in all, proud to be a singaporean. waved the flag up high.

the power of a car. so happy ivan drove. woooohoo. no mrt woes, no putting up with pushes or "Excuse me...", no need for "ahhh.. 1 more minute!!" dashes.. i so have to pass my driving test. i so have to.

met up with stone today. yay. caught up.. shared "stories".. EONS since i went to town. other than for 7 swords.. where carl's parking was like $12? $$$$$$$.. hurr hurr. met her mother. hahaha. "gelak scali." LOL...

MUMMY GOT TOUCHED IN MS TODAY. yay! so happy. my aunty came along to pray with mummy. sooo, really very thankful. reminded me of why family is so impt.

physically tired. all the going outs, travelling is killing me softly. very softly but surely. all the times when i just knock out on the way back of like what.. 20 something stops? so far; haven't puked. THANK GOD. =)

just lent my camera to my neighbour. they took half an hour to take a few photos.
*ponders*
whatever. i just threw it on my bed. along with the disc.
ah. stupid me, should have not thrown MY camera. urgh.
such slavishness.
i think my emotions are getting out of control.
either i go shop it out, or throw some stuff here and there, raise my voice here and there or just sleep it off.
bad bad bad.

vibes alive.
hate how i get vibes and be able to tell ppl stuff about their lives,
but when it comes to mine
screwed.
guru muku.

i love.

out at sakae. FINALLY met up with stone. i have more photos of her hand then her face okay. urgh. even in LA!!! boooooya. met jo and she joined us!!! i cannot stand how fat my face looks. =/ 

everything in its time.

what are the signs? do they slap u right in the face like those rethoric answers u get once in awhile?

cell was good today. did a lesson on Praise and Worship... input many of my afterthoughts and my own experiences while in worship. picking up the pieces and trying to piece them together one by one... looking forward to next week's cell session, where we're really gonna trash things out as a cell. the differences, the divisions... the quiet undercurrents. it needs to be undone. so i truly hope and pray that we will be able to just have a "tell-all" session and by God's grace, the cracks will be healed. if we can't even agree and be a collective unit as a cell, i tink we've failed as a ministry.

i honestly believe that this cell can definitely grow and multiply to tons more. honored to run this race with each of them. i'm learning as i go along, going thro' phases with them... and i know that they're changing me too. i thank God for these changes.

he said " don't walk away ever."
yet, he walked away.
she tried to talk to him.
he wouldn't even let her.
their paths met again
they exchanged plastic smiles.
both walked on by.

left like an evening morning glory.

good to see steph after so long. family gatherings ; good stuff. =)

steph's back! out for family dinner. woooot. =) 

walk away.
wide eye wonder.
everything in its time, yet sometimes i wonder what lies ahead.
i try to smile my tears away.
one more door in the way.

music in the backdrop : corrinne may. marvellous.

FOP was great, went there without any expectations and felt fulfilled in a way. refreshed most definitely. ran with vic to chop like 3 rows of seats. but yeah, i felt my soul soar up in worship. such a long long time. i rejoiced again. rejoice.

felt like i was sinking the past one week. its only the beginning.. many issues need to be straighten out in cell. reminded that its His cell during worship yesterday. divisions within the cell, subtle yet so strong. reminded of Corinthians.. aah.

we're all history makers in disguise. the clock ticks by, history's being recorded; my wings still feel close to the ground.

MS

mummy's coming for MS today. super yay. so timely too.. i just needed to see Him work in my family. yes He has been, yes He still is. can't wait for her to experience Him again.

take a look at the ordinary.

just a somebody.