hello MARCH. its march. one more month to finals.. havin my midterms now.. woot. time for changes soon.

read ling's blog yest, and rach's one too. it never is a walk in the park.. yes our hands are filled, our hearts are heavy, our shoulders are bruised.. but the thing is.. can u touch yr heart and say that you did yr best?

for me, i duno. cuz after everything, i felt i could have done better. better. aiykes. shakes head. boys. such double edged swords. hahahahaaa. i guess there's always something to learn out of every experience, every talk you have, every time u go out, every conversation you have. it all boils down to.. the heart man. the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.

had a good term break of whatever u call it. went SAILING..!! i will NEVER forget how i got swung out of the boat becuz the boom wacked me. haha. Ride the waves, feel the wind man!! kept screaming as i sailed. hahaa. cool cool. =)

we so have to go SIMPANG SOON YAH har? mmm. i got my tickets man!! thanks ling for waiting with me. wahah. thank you SA tours, esp the kind lady who helped me change to the ticketing counter. THERE WERE A GAZILLION PPL in the convention hall. hurr.. thank GOD i got it!! woooot! yay to slug who got her guitar too. woot woooot!

thank God for my great parents. should i ever receive a prize.. it would go something like this.. "thank you ma for being in labour till i popped out 6 hrs later. thank you giving me a no curfew life since forever. thank you for giving me all that i ever wanted. thank you for being such fine role models in showin me how to love and that how exciting our family is. thank you for being not average parents but SUPERB ones. thank you for teaching me independence thro' the little things. thank you for driving me all the way to the jungle every sun nite. if i there was ever a chance i could turn back time, it would be to say i'm SORRY for all the quarrels or all the times i was rude and you took all of it."

-hope does not disappoint-

been feelin like crap for e past few days. and i found the cause... wasn't walking with the Lord. stupid stoooopid me. let such doubt and frustration get the better of me. sluggy was like.. go sleep!! all the i-hate-myself crap. feel like such a stooopid human being. there i was... thinkin.. why me Lord? if i have you and i'm feelin like tis, what bout ppl without u? all i can say.. like Kenny's MSN nick, one hr with the Lord changes EVERYTHING.

love strummin on guitar. sorta like heals my soul and gives me an outlet to just let it all go.. thank u Lord for tis wonderful instrument.

just found out yesterday on my webmail that its time to choose our choice of Stream for engineering. i wanted Material Science but apparantly cannot. sigh. so now.. my first choice would be.. environmntal engineering. its so clear but all i can do now is mug my ass off and pray like there's no tmr that my grades would be good enuff for that stream, cuz i really dun wanna do civil or mechanical. if i do get them, i will most likely leave NTU. but i believe that tat's not what the Lord wants for me. cuz He knows what best.. n i'm sure he knows that i cannot, i CANNOT handle physics. God help me. for the second time in my life, i'm really afraid. as in scared scared, as in the kind that if i don't get this, i will be lost. LOST. so, pls pray for me and with me? =)

jus came back from a swim. did 20 laps. but blurr me, left my goggles there so i had to walk all the way back to retrieve it. heh. but the swim was good. good start to a muggish day. jo applied to nus yest. woooooot! its a tues man.. tmr got yachting. wee hee. exciting~ thurs goin Harry's with my last sem class.

-Everything created by God reflects His glory in some way-

today is the first time i said "No" to you. and i'm happy tat i did. not happy happy kind, but happy tat i could do it. to say No. to stop subjectin myself to yr doesn't-matter-ness. finally.

learning to be that good friend. a friend tat never was.

went for hall 8's food street yest? yah ha. fun fun. food food.. yummy. chatted with shilin and it was good. hall life's getting better cuz i tink i'm finally gettin into the flow of things. BUT, i still cannot stand the constant drillin near my block. what a headache and its HIGHLY irritating.

so lookin forward to driving. tmr's my bro's student leader thingy. he called me today!! so sweet rite? hahaha.. tot it was my dad but it was him.. went out of sch to get lesley's present!!nearly died of the headache of what to get her!! haha. got her a bag [girly] and a t-shit[girly]!! hahaha!! wee hee. exciting~ got lidia's present too.. long overdued.

STUDY BREAK IS HERE!! wooooooooooooooooot! bazhang, cheryl.. we so have to meet up soon. AA meeting IS A MUST cum STUDY tog k? heh. YACHTING! wee. exciting week ahead.

-getting over u-

shilin n me at hall 8's food street!!! 

WOOOOT! had such a fabuloustic-fantasteristic day! I LOVE CHINESE NEW YEAR.. DONG DONG DONG QIANG!! hahaha..

slug dropped by yesterday.. serious commotion in the house cuz there was like newspaper on the floor, stuff lying around. SO WE HAD TO CLEAR SOME STUFF UP! hahaha.. sluggy walked in the WRONG direction can? hurr... eh, u bring shame to the TANS CAN. ahhahahaa.. =p

grabbed sue along the way and the 3 of us headed to watch.. HOCKEY! woot!! at smu man.. smashing good time! GO RH! hahaha.. met my future cousin in law too.. he played for SH.. ahahaa! exciting~

I LOVE MANDARIN ORANGES. so the next time u wonder.. what to get cordy? get me MANDARIN ORANGES. brought 4 to the match and sue and i ate them all cuz SOME SLUG HATES ORANGES. haha. man.. i threw like orange peels all over.. gosh. DUN TELL SMU CUZ I'M SURE THEY'LL DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE BOX AS MY PUNISHMENT. hahahahahahhaa.. bleh. such a fun time man... been so long we had such fun. jus spitting the seeds and talkin real loud. WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL TIS WHILE?!

mamamia~ simpang. our fav hangout. caught up with jo.. and i still tink her sis look like her lei. hehh. Fann was there too.. haha. so funny. hahahahaha.. jus tinkin of her makes me LOL.

anyway.. jus thank God for such a MAXIMUSISH day. my sister went to a kidney specialist today.. really pray that all goes well. am going back on the +ve 1 on the sine curve once more. hope to get my engine started in studies.. eeks. still in the midst of "I kissed dating goodbye". don't need my shovel no more.. read this in the book, "Any season of singleness is a gift from God."

i'm left to wonder.. is it time to begin a relationship? or is God tryin to teach me a lesson to walk away from it for now and see if in future we're meant to be? cuz it feels as though its really wrong timing? cuz we're still in school, still in ministry, our top priority should be studies/family/cell... and dating.. well.. i dunno. cuz the time that one can use on dating, if its spent on catching up with friends, driving, cell stuff, ministry.. it'll be better spent? k.. mayb this is subjective, but i'm generalising for now. tsk tsk. sometimes it feels like i can't do this anymore. but i tink i've found that rainbow. or i hope it is. hahaha.. sometimes i think i hope for the wrong things. or i place my hope in the wrong things. being a cell leader and all, keep tellin yr members, put yr trust in the Lord. in the Lord. aiyaya.. is this from Him? i know i know.. i'll keep seeking and praying about it. woooot.

spent quality time with my bro today.. cuz i brought him for his saturday lessons. jam pack can.. slept all thro his British council lesson.. haha. didn't noe my mouth was wide open till his class was over. hahahaa. gosh. had mac's!! talked to my bro.. been SO LONG. even though he's 8, its really interesting. talked about his lesson and gameboy stuff. hahaha! and we scooted off to the library for his chinese class. said BYE and i went to popular to get my pens.. picked up my photos. THEY ARE LOVELY. finally can pass jo her 20th birthday present. hahaha. ITS LIKE ONE MONTH OVERDUED. hurr. slap me now.

alrighty. gotta go to my 3rd aunt's house now.. happy CHINESE NEW YEAR. and i so have gotta work out. =)

STEAM THOSE BOAT MAN!! yay. having steamboat laterrr!! wee hee. jus vacuumed the house and DYED my mama's hair. wooooot.

proud of myself cuz yest i did my chem tutorial. hahaha. duno y, but it feels like an accomplishment. haha. first step to getting intune with school, willingly. =) on more happy news, got a new cell member who accepted christ on SUNDAY!!! yay. so happy.. one more in the kingdom. so happy!! =)

BRENDA ar..!! gong xi fa cai. i hope u find yr "xi" soon!! realised that rach, sue, brenDa and me, keep walkin in circles. keep getting worked up or left feelin like crap... becuz of boys. yes, boys. DO YOU KNOW HOW MIND BOGGLING AND HEART WRENCHING IT IS? hurr. enough.

can't wait to wear my new year clothes. YES.. i do have new year clothes. exciting~ going to justin's house tmr.. weeee hee. haven't seen him in ages. will get to see zanne and e whole family.. ANG POWS MAN. ANG POWS!! weeeeeeeee.

-I LOVE CHINESE NEW YEAR-

retro! wee hee.. sharon's birthday..! woot. aloha rocks man! heh. wore this black and white polka dotted dress. hahaaa.. got it from my sis wardrobe. weeeee hee! HAD FUN FUN.

I LOVE DRIVING!! hahaha.. went for my first practical today! took the wheel and went round the circuit like a gazillion times... once i nearly bumped a motorcycle off the ROAD!! i SCREAMED! thank God for emergency break, and that my instructor's side had a break, so he stepped on it too. phew. 5 mintues later, a car from the OPPOSITE DIRECTION came into my lane!!! i SCREAMED ALSO. hahaha. my poor instructor. we had a good talk while i kept manouvering around the bends.. fun fun fun. his daughter was also in NTU, engineering. ha. what a small world. I GOT 5 STAMPS altogether! can't wait for the next one!!!!!!!!

P.S : DID u noe tat automatic cars... even if u dun step on the break or accelerator peddle, THE CAR STILL MOVES!! hahaha.. exciting to the maximus of the mamabull!

jus mopped the entire house.. mum's bathing, gonna go for dinner SOON! and do some CNY shopping!! can't wait for steamboat on tues niteeee! can't wait for my sister to return! can't wait for.. ANG POWS! woooot!

-gong hey lei!-

its 12.03pm in rach's room. slept at like 6am. havin driving in 2 hours.

daddie said that my sis has prob been discharged, so really thank God. =) thank you for all yr prayers and sms-es.

u noe the song.. "... its jus emotions taking me over.." feel like i'm taken over, again. often, i felt its worth it. at times, i feel that its the emotions tat causes us to be blinded by everything. its times like these when i wish i was emotion-less. instead of using my heart, i use my head. urgh. URGH. i'm such a slave. it shouldn't be this hard.

i jus realised my driving's TMR. i'm so BLURRRRR. eeks.

-if u only knew-

STAYOVER at sluggy's house!! 

wwwwooohhh HOO! 

AA!.. without small one. =) 

me best bud and meee! 

CAMP COM!! 

weeeee hee! 

dad sms-ed me today bout' my sister.. she's in the hospital, on drip. slight infection to the kidneys. read this sms after i came out of the pool.. after i spoke to daddie.. as i walked back to my room, felt all tat i was doing.. studying.. rushing deadlines.. taking exams.. all seemed so pointless. i miss my sister. very much. hope to see her once her plane lands in singapore. its times like these, when i wish i was home. really think that my mum is devastated.

jus to let u noe, my sister's based in taipei for her work. she's a casting director. yes.. if u tot i was wild and loud, u have YET to meet my sister. she was the one who got me my so called no-curfew since i was sec 1. she's amazing and she reassures me everytime that its okay to not be the norm. to go against the grains of tradition and all that.

today reminded me of... how much i lack in following up with my parents. with my brother. eeeeks. disgusted with myself.

k.. gotta go and read my readings. one of the pointless things we do, i really wonder, when we look back at our uni life.. will we even remember what we were rushing for? sacrificing our sleep for? hurr. oh wells.

-gong xi fa cai-