the existential loneliness of the human subject.

i picked up the phone, to hear you say... goodbye forever.

there i was, getting all furious about not closing the windows cuz of the heavy rain, whilst trying to swtich modules, while trying to get my brother to eat... and then, i got the call.

rushed down, and like jo, i didn't know how to feel. how do u say goodbye to a friend that left such wonderful footprints in your heart? i still don't.

so there i was, while the rain trickled down upon us all, i said goodbye with the tears that beseeched for you. the days in school where u took out yr handkerchief to wipe yr face, how your laughter sounded, i miss your eyes that spoke to us, that shade of brown, that smile and chuckle, your subtle reassurances, yr wonderful listening ear.. i think about the band days, the australia exchange trip... there u were.

all it took, was a van to dash the red light, to ram and crush u right under it, and u were gone. your silent goodbye to us all.

as i sat waiting to see the very last of you, i prayed that somehow, i'll see u up there. why did it have to be your going away for us all to meet again? you of all people. you.

you left such deep footprints in all our lives.

my last goodbye my dear friend.

strike up the band
i found my friend
he laid there without a care
your last goodbye
my first hello
spangles of sunlight
or so i thought
tears just went on by

the sky said not a chance
the clouds gave in
they cried an awesome loud
drizzled. tickled.
i wish you were
but u laid there still

wishes. dreams. your aspirations.
now silence fills the air
with memories, and coloured days
thats all that's left of you
the fallen leaves
that shade of brown

goodbye you.
goodbye.

goodbye.

right back at you.

mood : feeling the pressure, getting tired, cracks surfacing in time.

gonna try and turn in earlier today... wanna spend more time with Him.

yes indeed cheerios, i'm feeling rather down of late. and the answer to that : haven't spent quality time with Him. i tink QT should be... quality time/quiet time at the same time. how frail we are without Him.

whilst travelling to school today, felt lost. mixed feelings i guess. everytime i feel like i'm gonna blow up, all those ideas of how i would have let it out would pop into my mind.. pretty entertaining, but then.. i just let it go. or rather, i tink i just let it in.

mum's condition is sorta stabling. nearly broke down badly thinking about all the what-if's. why am i getting tired? here's why... gotta wake up at 6am everyday to go down to slavish jungle. study about things i don't like till afternoon. make my way back home. don't forget how crappy i feel whenever i'm on long mrt rides or just on buses. hopefully nap when i get home. make sure boy does his stuff. meanwhile, still helping out with household chores at the backdrop esp after mummy shouldn't do so much. gotta start doing tutorials and going thro lec notes. take care of cell stuff. follow up as much as i can. my day ends with me knocking out the moment i touch my bed. not forgetting once sept comes, my driving lessons are packed up.

gonna drop my Media in America module because i know i won't wait 4 hours for a 3 hour lecture.

maybe some of what u guys do are so much more than mine... maybe. but yeah.. DON'T get me wrong, i'm not feeling angry or why is God so unfair. i know that He knows that all this, i can bear. just gotta lean more on Him. looking forward to BS-ing with Gina. she's my BAP partner. YAY. finally.. enforced bible study. i like. cuz i'm lazy inside and i need in-graining. so that part, i'm excited. at least i can better know Gina too. =)

my heart screams... "i'm tired!". my head goes.. "keep on going!". was sitting at the bus stop, waiting for slavish 199, and i was thinking.. how many times we think we're doing our best, we're stretching ourselves thin, how we keep doing and trying to make everything right and as best as we know how... is that how God would have wanted us to feel? i mean.. for the past few weeks i keep thinkin.. what i'll say to Him on THE day. actually i personally believe that its only right that we do what we do; i mean, that we keep doing our best no matter what. that we go all out. with that being said, do use your own "judgement" on how far to stretched yrself... but i think the crux is.. to not get bitter. to not feel that no one appreciates. to not feel that you're the only one out there trying to make everything work. me and my thoughts. =/

God empowers, not strains our soul. God strengthens, not bring down. God blessed us with all our talents, not shame us with what we lack. God. what more is there to say?

this song made my heart crack up. this song reminded me to THINK about Him again. this song reminded me of my emptiness and nothingness without Him.

when i think about the Lord
how He saved, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

-and sings my soul-

school has STARTED. lecture has gone into full swing. as i'm gonna attempt to start reading my notes in a bit... the rest of the co-ed AA is madly bidding away... ahhhh.. such slavishness. both ways. JIAYOU guys!!!! i hope u get all the slots and that all yr mods dun clash!! =)

timed myself all the way into the jungle. if i wake up at 5.50am and leave my house by 6.30am plus daddy send me to the pasir ris mrt station, i can get to boon lay in one hour flat. meaning to say by 7.55am i'm in B.L. so stay in the que for 10 min, bus takes 10-15 to get to school, i reach by 8.15am. coooolness.

so here it is... should i invest on an ipod?? i dunno. the one i want is like $500++. so expensive. i can imagine ling rolling her eyes here.. hahaha. yes ling.. i find things expensive. i dunno. will go think about it.

can't wait for sept 27. i so wanna pass on first attempt!! auto car somemore.. hurr hurr.

mum's out with her friends... dad's away in batam, boy's in sch, sis is in taipei..

i've been dwelling on this verse for quite awhile now...
"For our light and momentary troubles are acheving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" 2 corinthians 4:17

so true so true. all that we feel, all that we experience, all that we go thro'.... just temporary. just a transition. just a speck of what we have yet to amazingly taste, that eternal glory. so let your days count for something.

need to reach out more. need to be more care-bearish. need to watch my language. to be more like Him, less of me and my selfish desires and wants. little by little... wanna see His cell grow... experiencing His changes.. experiencing His hand.

the in-betweens. the complications. the conversations. the time we spend. the more we learn about how we work, how we think, how we are made up. the differences. you and me.

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I cant keep up and I cant back down
Ive been losing so much time

Cuz its you and me
And all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And its you and me
And all other people
And I dont know why I cant keep my eyes off of you

The clock never seemed so alive.

i want to eat that lemon chicken rice.

contrary to popular belief, the whole put braces procedure is NOT PAINFUL. i stress.. the procedure of putting [sticking the metal pieces, cum extraction, cum changing rubber bands] is not painful. BUT, eating, chewing, biting down on something HURTS THE CRAP OUT OF YOU. just clamping down, i feel like screaming and banging my head on the wall. =/

had mee sua for lunch. sianness.

so i sat in crystal jade for dinner today. i wanted to bite my tongue off! surrounded by all the wonderous smell... i had to settle for... pei dan zhou. not too bad.. BUT I COULDN'T CHEW THE MEAT. sigh. i swallowed most of it without chewing. plus when the tofu came... ah.. the ends were hard. so u see... they should come out with dishes that is filling yet without must chewing. accomodate to the braces population. i'm kinda hungray. ah wells.

watched "Be with you" at orchard cine.. GO AND WATCH IT. as usual i teared.. cuz its so heart wrenching cum nice cum good plot cum ah.... worth my $9.50. this is a must see for all those who are attached, getting attached, or waiting to be attached. hahaha.. which means the whole world. =)

living out our obligations.

do we buy something because we feel obligated to? i know i used to, but now, not anymore. or i try not to.

asking myself more questions as time passes... i guess that's why older people don't really live out loud, cuz everything just goes on in their heads.

it hurts trying to make a decision. no matter what choice we make; strings are attached. learning to let go. piece by piece... little by little. sometimes when you've given the best you know how, you've done all that you could... you take a step back... what does it taste like? is the aftertaste bitter like those darn ice coffee that taste like eeeeeeee "why did i get it???", or will it be overtly sweet like teh si peng that has too much si?

are we all medium rare? look cooked on the outside yet bleeding on the inside?

just slap me now. ah wait.. dun slap me.. hahaha.. dun wanna get cut on my lips. hahahah.

fiction-ated.

so you sailed away...

was strolling back from cheney's house. took my own time despite the grey skies... went by the oh too familiar bubble tea stall.. can u believe it? i actually que-ed for 10min at the wrong stall? hurr. till i took my first sip, i was like.. bleeh. wrong one.. threw my $1 drink away and went to the right one and ordered.. "honey ice bleneded."

it was the same old guy.. the same old stall... the same old feeling i got when we used to run opp sch in between lecture breaks... buying over 10 cups at a time for the ppl in the ssc room. i miss that. i miss wearing my grey shoes, dragging my feet to class.. trying to stay awake esp in triple k's maths lesson. hahaha.. bitching with cheryl or xian ming.. woohoo. and usually.. i'll be walking around bag-less. wonder why? cuz we usually deposit our bags at the ssc room. ahahaha.. and then.. go there and play.. CAROM. or just sleep on the sofas. ahhh. reminiscence.

some stuff seem all too hazy now. others still fresh like it was only yesterday. people. people make the difference.

contentment. i'm not like other people. or so i say. honestly, i'm rather goal-less or ambition-less. i know that's pretty bad but ahhh... i tink i lost all my "what do u wanna be when u grow up?" answers.. cuz as u grow up, u realize... ahh.. forget it. what do i wanna be when i grow up? a business woman. hehehe. yarh. thats a desire. own a business.

a few more days and the semester begins. i have nothing to say.

the song "best i ever had" kept ringing in my head the entire day. dunno why. prob was like the champagne supernova song... something about it. many moments i wish to press "Pause", many other moments i wish to press "Rewind" to re-live it again. time waits for no Man. moments too.

u can be happy yet hurting all this while. u could have a smile and laugh all the time yet cracks deep down don't surface in time. u could pretend as though nothing gets to you and seem like you don't care, when deep down inside you're screaming "i doo!". you could be all this and more but nothing like u used to be before.

to a grey sky morning.

FOUR has left the building.

what AM i talking about???!?!!?!??! MY TEETH! hahahah. extracted them today.. wooot. and i wanna say to all those who are thinkin of wearing braces... STOP THINKING AND GET THEM ON.

yah balls. look at me? turning 2 decades old than put it. hurr hurr. went to the dentist.. He's so nice and patient and good skill... especially while administering the anasthetic. gooooood... i felt like my lips were ballooning or something. man.. the whole process was fast and before i knew it, it was over... bled like siao. cuz of the numbness... i couldn't really like feel whether i was sawallowing my saliva.. so guess what? as i sat in the chair.. looking at my dentist write some stuff... i drolled a pool of blood on the chair. hahahahah.. ah.. thank GOD it didn't hurt!!! yay! honestly.. or so far.. it hasn't hurt. man.. the roots of our teeth are LOOOONG i tell u. long. it can be mistaken for a tiger's toooth or something. heh.

while doing the whole procedure.. my dentist played... Anita Mui's songs.. so nice. hahaha. pretty calming too.. cuz my mother was not there with me. but yeah.. he and his nurses were very nice and warm.. and friendly.. GOOD.

anyway.. had my "last" meal of rice, beef, chicken, tofu, siao long bao for lunch. man.. i'm so gonna chew my hearts out before thurs when i get the braces on. wooohooo.

sue called me like at 6-ish. good timing.. cuz the numbness was wearing off and the bleeding wasn't so bad.. so could talk properly. hahahah. i so am gonna eat porridge forever. =/

THANKS for all the reassurance.. sue, carl, jo.. ah lu.. the ppl who have put braces on.. ha. i know stone will slap me if i start on my whole braces issue again. hahahaha. u guys ROCK!

take a moment and ponder

give and take. that's all it ever was about. i still believe in patience. am i really that bo-chap? u can't fight the world. true, i gotta be more aware of things.. BUT, we all need to verbalize them. no matter how tiring it gets.. all issues can be ironed out, its whether we take the time and effort to do it. everything we go thro'.. is a lesson to be learnt.

let's wait and see.

driving issues

ahhh. i hope i still can get 17th sept for driving test. eeeeks. got driving again tmr.. can't wait to smile at the instructor with 4 teeth less. hahahahha. man. i hope the office will be opened after my lesson at 6.. which is highly unlikely. ahhhhh.. HELP.

anyway.. thank God for alot of things. i finally plucked and sucked it in.. and took out one of my toe nails. URGH. pain sia... dunno how but it broke into 3/4 and one part got stuck in my flesh. urrrgh.. so just now.. i just pressed and pulled and yanked. hehe. good technique!

timing. all a matter of time before things will go their way. so happy for jo who got touched and ministered in the 4th service.so happy for her. no regrets going for 4th service. none at all.

don't look back in anger.

yes i know. i love myself. hahah. CHECK OUT MY LIPS. woah. they were swollen. hurr hurr. 

i love sundays.  

BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN with our yellow!! 

THE WHOLE GANG! 

just the... 3 of us. =) 

my CELL! 

out with stone, dog and NTU kayaking captain. hahaha. 

was able to sleep last night ... thank God.
was able to survive driving... thank God.
was able to reach CJ'S without motion sickness... thank God.
was able to get Dental appointment... thank God.

called upon His name the entire of last nite. thank God for ppl like ah lu, sue, joanna, meiyun, carl, yiling, alicia, starfish... the list goes on.. whenever i need prayer support, i'm so glad that i have them, vice versa too. always felt prayer support was impt. take food poisoning in bangkok for example. or whenever i feel tat i need that "boost".. ahh... God sent. so.. thank you guys very very much.

poured like siao today. so worried that i'll be driving on ultra wet roads.. thats something u wanna avoid, esp in ubi. guess what? we had to do EMERGENCY BREAKS today. i hate that. so irritating. my heart really couldn't take it. and the thing with emergency breaks.. the instructor will suddenly slam the compartment top and i have to break STRAIGHTAWAY. really sooo thankful that he did it when there was still 20 min of lesson left. OR ELSE... i would definitely had gotten an attack or something. honestly. such abruptness really bad for health. urggh. the sound of his slamming is so loud that all u you do is jus jam the breaks like there was no tmr. hurr hurr.

on a brighter note.. went to CJ's house for bbq.. which was in SERANGOON! walked to the bus interchange and realised there wasn't the buses i was toold!!! *cheated* hahahaha... thank God alvin came to pick me up in his uncle's car.. hahaha! luckily for him.. or else.. i'll be like the rest.. walk like 20 minutes all the way in. good to have caught up with Lidia.. finally. good to see Lyndon.. oh and DANIEL GOT HIS BIKE LICENSE. woooah piang. so fast rite? he did it in what.. 2 months? i've been learning how to drive for the past 1 year inclusive of basic theory. urrgh. slap me now. discovered that.. Syahid lives opp the connector!!! ahhh!!!! so near man. wee hee. so u never know what you're gonna get i tell u. definitely not.

meeting stone tmr! YAY!!! finally. got my dental appointment too!! yay! 4pm. so happy when they called back and told me one of their patient's cancelled. hahaha. yay! going to doctor's too. YAY! went to take down the consultation times. heh.

many thanks for all the prayers. on my knees! really. so very happy to have all of u in my life.

because He is able.

the past catches up oh too soon

haven't really shared this, but yeah.. might as well once and for all. i was diagnosed[i know diagnosed sounds so terminal.. ah.. but u get my drift lah] with asthma in secondary school, dunno why, but yeah. had one very major asthma attack in sec 1 where the ambulance was nearly sent for. pretty dependent on my ventolin, esp when the band went to Australia... those rides where they always say [ppl with heart conditions, pregnant.. are advised not to go on it]... hahaha. i sat them and nothing happened. always trusted the Lord for complete healing.. this came to pass before i entered JC. jo can u remember my 2.4km timings?? hahaha. dunno how i got the NAFA pin at the end.

don't know WHAT got into me when i joined sea sports club, esp kayaking... pretty high cardio sport, thank God nothing major happened... except, i can't remember who's kayak.. but it rammed right into my chest, as in full speed and all... cuz my k1 capsized. didn't feel pain so i tot, ah.. nothing's wrong. plus life after that was like filled with sports related stuff... till today. have always enjoyed sports, esp water related ones [okay i will get my Sailing license soon, i promise.]...

here's the thing. i'm not feeling well again. i tink last year i had an acute attack but after like 20 mintues it got better... had a minor asthma attack this morning. i thought it was just some chest pain, but carried on thro' the day. as i type away, i can feel my whole rib cage pressing against my heart. which is pretty sore if u ask me. told mummy but she brushed it aside... hurr hurr. i've stopped jogging late at nights, esp after the incident where this guy was jogging and he just fell dead on the floor. that's superbly scary, esp if you're jogging late in the night[which i love lah]. fret not, i'm going to the doc's tmr.

so i'm here, asking for prayer support.. pls keep my heart in prayer... cuz i cannot take anymore major catastrophic experiences. esp sunday's... sometimes i tink they are little trials God puts in the way so that i can appreciate and depend on Him while teaching them.

what if... one fine day, you realise i'm gone; what would u do? i know this sounds sick, but i always wondered who will attend my funeral, what would it be like... how long more do i have to stay in this world that is just temporary. i'm so tempted to say.. my heart will go on [which is such a cliche and i choose not too.. *laughs*].

have i made an impact? have i shared and done what was needed?

a few years back, i was napping in the hall... home alone as usual, when i woke up.. it was 4pm and the sky was pitch black ok. as in BLACK LIKE CHARCOAL kinda black.. i tot.. oh my Lord.. are u coming now??? so many faces and instances flashed acrosee me, and i started praying... no no no.. not now.. pls not now.. my parent's aren't saved... my loved ones too.. and then it started raining with thunder and all tat. that was definitely pure fear cum guilt in action.

everytime i need a "push" to share with my dad, i'll just imagine the day of rapture; and boldness overwhelms me. so true, evangelism needs to be a lifestyle. so does discipleship. slowly integrating them as a lifestyle. really thank God for all the wonderful opportunities to share, esp with Jinli and Bendini.. and with daddy too. *jumps for joy while holding chest*

another thing i need an answer to : should i get my braces on? pls reply by tagging on tagboard.. i neeed this answer..cannot wait till sch starts.

let me be used for Your sake, for my life is but Yours.

days like these when i wish i was without emotions.

days like these when i wish i knew the art of...

a plastic smile.

can't begin to describe all that ran thro' my mind and in my heart during service. my heart ached and i was just soo broken.

is it wrong to expect? was i in the wrong to correct? kept telling myself.. "slow to anger.. slow to anger.. slow to anger.. must correct.. must correct..". so i did. i touch my heart and say, i have no regrets doing what i did. somehow i wish their growing up process could speed up. somehow i wish their teenage angst cum rebellion-ish attitude could be exchanged for a little more respect.

but then again, after much thought... no. thank God for His higher plans and ways. came to realise that it is a process. learning more about myself as i go along answering this calling. i know a time will come, when i look back at their sec 3 lives and say, thank you Lord for everything. everything. His perfect timing, His perfect plans. He's pruning my garden, and the process is one that i will share in due time.

after taking them so long, i've learnt this, surrender. i am their spiritual authority and guiding them, praying/watching over them is a responsibility that HIGHLY is.. God dependent. no Him, no me, no them.

it poured like crazy after lunch. tot it was God's way of saying.. i'm crying with you. i hear your pain, i see your heart, i'm here with you.

looking forward to Youth Challenge. looking forward to MS too.. hopefully bendini can come. excited about the people that will be touched and to see His hand once again.

turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of the earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

-and still I rise-

it's 3.34am, sunday.

just finished bathing and here i am. went for MS today.. good stuff. jian han "attached" himself to me so we went round praying for ppl. thank you Lord for helping me thro' it all. didn't feel like serving cuz felt a little sickish. but did anyhow, and God really supported me. prayed for 3 ladies today.. prayed for this woman's niece, and somehow, just felt the warmth as i prayed. could just see the level of faith in the woman. one fine day, i know her niece will give her testimony on stage. =)

had 50 cents chendol softee with jian han.. chatted with him and ah lu as we strolled to the interchange. goood stuff too.

anyhow.. went out for supper with alvin lai. finally met up with him after so long. finally passed him his Flamming Hot cheetos.. we caught up for what.. 3 hrs? talked about church, God, relationships, dating, our families, our sec sch days... life in general. its always nice sharing/talking to him... new perspective on issues, and also, can see how much more mature he is too. army changes ppl. truly thank God for a wonderful friend.

he's prob going to UCLA forever....... sorta expected it, cuz he truly loves USA. i do too, after having LA-ed. gonna miss him. miss how we talk about funny stuff like movies and we were singing to the tune of.. "ghostbusters...". realised that i've known him for like... 7 years of my life. gonna be so weird with him gone. he's one of a kind.. and a good listener too. i can just go on and on.. ahahahha. always thankful for him... someone who i can just share anything and i know, he doesn't judge me. haiyah.. its just sad to know he's gonna fly away. BUT, he's an analyzer. hahaha. so sometimes.. i dunno. hard to read at times too. ah wells. *huge grin*

while strolling back to take a cab, we saw.... the huge parade of army vehicles!!! hahah. so fuuuun! i knew something big was gonna pass us cuz of the many traffic police.. than i heard such a loud engine noice ... and i tot.. were they transporting a boeing or something like that?? and to our surprise... THE MOTHERLOAD OF TANKS AND HUGE ARMY VEHICLES. sooo coool so cool.. so we waved.. as though we were in the NDP! hahahha. cooooooolness.

on a brighter note, i'm excited about tmr main service message. its on "how to bring yr family to church". gooooooood stuff. can't wait for cell tooo. exciting exciting. haven't been this excited in a loooong while. so.. He's definitely working!!! hahaha.

He meets us where we are.

-strolled-

i wish u could see the video!! many many tanks and other vehicles which i dunno what's their name. hahahah 

one of the many TANKS! 

alvin lai. hahahahha. i like his t-shirt. =) 

spent the day doing household chores cum talking with mama. washed the balcony [carried like 5 pails of water!! goood weight lifting..] , the toilet too. ironed one of pa shirts cuz mummy had to bring in the clothes.

one thing good about staying home : i get to talk to mummy one on one. spoke to her during lunch... chatted about our family... ah boy... pa's new job... my driving... my sch stuff.. my life and the people who matters to me.

went out for dinner and it was time well spent. simpang-ed later. woooohoo. i love the teh oh peng. rocks my socks off. great to see doug after EONS. managed to catch up a bit... before we car-ed down to.. carl's house! heheh. did u know that carl has the lip ice stick? hahahaha. hilarious. saw carl's sec sch year book and he looks so much thinner.. wee hee. all the same yarh har! =)

changes are inevitable. one fine day... perhaps u'll go.. "woah cordy has changed so much.." , or.. "SHE'S A LADY!!!!".. baby steps i guess. gotta begin somewhere. i don't know. i don't wanna lose me. don't wanna be another one-of-those-wind-blow-away kinda girls. dun get me wrong, i'm not saying change is bad.. i'm saying.. i need strength and will to. u gotta look at how i was brought up.. my family and relatives.. we're loud and happy. i guess i was never made to conform to social norms. so going from extreme to the other really ain't easy.

reflections
is it impossible to love me for my totality, every one bit? or do i have to change to show that i can be the ideal one? or maybe i just need to stand out from the normal mundane everyday girl stereotype? i've always been differentiated easily from the rest. always. since pri sch.. all the way to uni... from choir in pri sch, sect leader in band in sec sch coupled with other sch related hosting events, pub head n kayaker for sea sports plus announcer in tpjc, to THE cordy in uni life.. not forgetting behind the scenes in church life. always been differentiated. say "Cordelia.. " and they go.. ahhh. [i'm not like blowing my own trumpet, i'm saying how easy it is to finger me out of the crowd]. i'm more than just a name, more than just a loud voice. the ppl who know me for me, i know they can touch their heart and say.. thats cordy.

feel divided? i dunno how to say. on one hand, yarh.. change now. on the other, can i put it off till 21? i know it sounds weird, but i need to start praying about this. this change topic has been bothering me since... last year i guess. =/

so here's the bottom line : will change compromise who i am?

-i touch my heart and say... God help me please.-

simpang-ed with carl and doug!! long time no @@!!!! hehehe. check out carl's 465 tread count bed spread! woohoo. we all went over to carl's house to prac for p & w. check out our attempts in his caps. hahahhaha. sooo funny. how many times we sung.. "take me into the holy of holies..". THANK YOU CARL FOR THE RIDE HOME.. AGAIN. =) 

gymed! woohoo. alone as usual.. but happy. went on the treadmill and my fav machine! woohoo. good good. so happy to perspire.. hahahah.

later went for terence's poetry license thingy. it was GOOD. esp the loud poem.. hahaha. i like i like.. and winter tears.[maybe wrong title but its the one where u could read the poem backwards too.] i loveee. really enjoyed it.. BUT, i found the army one.. well.. a little long? no offence.. but i just couldn't relate i guess? or maybe it was my growling stomach?? hahha. how to fly the singapore flag was hilarious to me. cuz its so true.. how we're taught to do everything... so i like i like. i also like the one where they stood in rows and got the numbers... and every couple played a different scene conforming to the same line. i tink it was.. Love Poesies? i'm not too sure.. but yeah.. i LIKE TAT. i honestly think it was one of my best $8 spent. mmmm! =)

went for supper with fabian and carl. wooohooo. THANK YOU CARL FOR DRIVING ME HOME. i loooove the chicken wings too. happy to talk to fabian.. like without the church stuff like [have u written yr attendence? or.. have u updated the list? .... u get my drift].. so it was gooood.

just read one of my cell member's blog. and what can i say... thank you Lord. still constantly amazed by how He plants things along our way to lift us up.. to remind us of our calling.. to give us a push here and there... to let us know that His ways are certainly higher than us. in yoda's words "touched am i".

He amazes me.

-my God is so big, so strong and so mighty; there's nothing my God cannot do, for YOU!-

check out carl's happy face! =) fabian and his porridge.. woohoo. GOLD PORRIDGE! hahahahaah. 

The God of the how much more.

reading "Growing Deep in God".. the book chun leck bought for us! am at chapter 3 now... just some afterthoughts from the first 2 chapters.

PRAYER.
the power in/of prayer. how to unleash it, how to go about it, how to begin... "Prayer is, therefore, not using God, but finding God." i like this line. cuz its true... sometimes i just mutter everything to Him at one go... just using Him cuz i know He hears me. forgot about the faith. forgot about dependence. it was more like... ah.. give it to Him! In addition, i learnt this.. we are to ask God for the empowering of the Holy Spirit, which He most readily gives because without help from on high, we can say our prayers, but we cannot pray our prayers.

really wanna finish the book before hectic life starts again. NOT looking forward with a capital N. haiyah. everytime school starts, i dunno how to feel. sometimes i feel like i'm wasting away... then i get all bitter inside... other times, i tink i just keep telling myself its His plan... but is it?? learning as i go along. i wish i could take the bitter roots out, but i can't. still sore about it, yes i am. gonna be year 2, gonna graduate as a Mechanical + Aeronautical engineer. but it means nothing to me. seriously. i know i should take pride in what i do, and i'm trying my best to delight.. *i tink i am*... ahhh.. its been a year, and i'm back at the beginning of this circle.

somehow, for the past few days.. feeling rather restless and strengthless. like i'm doing for the sake of doing; yes i know.. i know... *shakes head*. actually all i wanna do for the week ahead is just stay at home and rest. to just sleep. or just watch tv. so forgive me if i say NO to gatherings or whatever not... cuz i'm just seriously tired deep down inside.

leader's conference was okay. had a chance to talk talk with ching lu after tat. gooooood stuff too. got some materials from Elizabeth! ahhh! power pact! good to see Brother Patrick today too. felt pukish from the ride from city hall till i got home. i'm getting sick i tell u.

caught up with BAZHANG! [angie] today. goooood stuff. had the boney cake again. FATS! but yearh.. good time good time.

-how much more!-

angie.. hahah. slavish. 

mummy and me! 

at crystal jade.. check out ah pa without his glasses! =) 

wooohoo! catch him in action.. waiting for ah pa to pick us up! 

out with boy to watch.. MADAGASCAR! physically fit.. physically fit.. hahahah 

sunday in church!  

shoppin for a denim skirt with jo at suntec. check her out with HER own!! hahha. with hearts too. LOL. that boney cake and that mudpie.. ahhhh. CALORIES. then off i went to the airport.. to bid alvin kor kor and his wife to be GOODBYE.. he's off to switzerland for 4 years.. for Ernst and Young.. there's his bro and his bro's wife... 5 months preg! wooohoo. and my mum.. bro and dad.. check Ang Peng Siong and his son out... they were there too! [not for my cousin though.. hmm]