my NEW earrings! wooot. they are NOT cheap. shakes head. hahahahaha. 

trimmed my hair at The Scene at Wisma.. took like an hr.. ha. Jack my hairdresser asked, "when was the last time u cut yr hair?" and i went.. "ONE YEAR AGO!" hahaha. he raised his eyebrows and flapped his hands... hahahah. so funnny. but yah, the crux.. i finally cut my hair. YAY to that. i can breathe now.

i'm tired of being me.

how in the world did i get here? i tink its PMS at work, coupled with the 2 more papers ahead, plus all the errands i have yet to run. so yah, let me whine away CUZ THIS IS MY BLOG.

to rach: i hope u get well soon.. =)

to cheerios: I WILL SEE U SOON!! misss you too! GROW GROW GROW! hahaha. kidding.

-so sue me -

when the four colours combine.. they form...  

LOOVE THIS. 

strolling... weeeeee 

trim-ed hair and DINNER!! YUUMMY! 

DADDY AND MUMMY!! 

"The dawn is breaking, A light shining thro',
You're barely walking, And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah...

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide..."

lyrics to Collide by Howie Day. like this song, don't ask me why.. i just do. not that i collide with anyone, but somehow, just somehow, i guess i'm not done with saying "i wish...".

rates for bkk, for 3 days 2 nights or 4 days 3 nites, we can get it under $200 with tax included. yarh. chatted with terence just now.. the newly crowned "pez dispenser"! THANK you terence. grin.

feeling spiritually dry, so if ur gonna ask me "Are you okay?" , no i'm not. just give me time, and i will be. 2 more papers to go, but i'm so whatever already. all the errands that i have to run, getting super irritated. but then again, i brought this upon myself. so ah bothers. went for a jog just now, still feel the same.

not in a mood for anything. cheney got the brunt of my whateverness yest during tuition.. but it ended well, cuz we walked opp for prata and talked. he's a pretty good listener when he's not in his mischevious mood.. so it went well. lost it badly when i was on the phone, then i went silent. cuz i was shocked at myself.. why are? always get short tempered when it comes to u? i'm just sorry.

do we hurt the ones closest to us not that we want to, but we just do? do we not put our pride down all because we do not want to seem vulnerable or to admit tat we're wrong? do we say the things we do not mean all in the name of our stubborness? or do we just push them away because we just don't know what to do?

-make a first impression-

went swimming today with jinli.. wooo hoo. act i went alone, he went gyming. hahaha but he joined me for like 10 min. slave.. hehe. felt gooood cuz i swam 20 laps in about 40 min? haha. okay i'm slow like a dugong. grin. i'm sunBURNT i tell u. my whole back is RED. and my front is just okay lor.. hurr. balls man.so if u watched Ross in e episode where he was super tan on one side and fair on the other, THAT ME!! haha. but it ain't so bad.. i'm like 2 number ones on the back. but happy that i finally like am doing something upon my gross tan line. hahaha. SO JO: i did 2 so far for this week. 2 more to gooo!

i looooove snapping photos. its officially my new found hobby. LOOOVE it. so today's "shou huo" from shopping.. i got my new bik from Tannlines!! wooo hooo. LOVE my new bik. got a new pair of driving shoes to so YAY. got 2 new photo frames, so yay to tat too.

watched "3 iron".. its sooo arty farty, too much for my brains. but interesting. hahaha. very interesting n a little disturbing in the middle portion, but overall, okkaay lah. went for coffee after that with s.j, jinli and h.x, laughed till i was so sleeppy.. "ling long ling long - "!!!! and tat means all the dangling stuff on clothes tat are SO over the top. hahahahahhah.

my whole body's aching, so its a good sign, i did work out!! YAPPY! going driving tmr.. woot. giving cheney tuition tmr too.. plus got simulation e-test.. heh. ah wells, another day.. ONWARD! looking forward to 7th may, STAND UP COMEDY! wooot.

so to the rest still having exams, I'M JOINING U GUYS AGAIN! hahaha. gotta go read up my elective stuff.. heh. so dun keep yelling at how free i am and all tat, cuz i tink the fat lady's gonna start singing real soon. hahaha =)

HAPPY DAY.

-just my imagination-

wooo hoo. having coffeeee.. or origina more like it. hahaha 

taking a break at baker's inn! 

shopping + catchin up with s.j 

at the pool 

DONE. just came up from an hr jog. it was good.

felt a little disappointed when u said no to next saturday, oh wells. u noe how u ever said how i should start doing the things u like doing? or ask u what u actually liked to do and all tat stuff? how bout u? why is sat a bad day? cuz u have to prep for cell? cuz u wanna rest at home? cuz there's a football match? cuz u wanna spend time with yr family? i dunno. i seriously dun. its just ONE saturday out of the many.. why no?

sometimes i tink, i'm not accomodating enough. i'm not understanding enough. i'm not listening or paying attention at all. maybe, maybe i'm right after all. coming to the end of the line, coming to the end of the dateline i set for "us", coming to the end of this chapter of my life, where do we go from there?

actually, i tink i take "us" too seriously sometimes. i should like how u always say "Chill..". aren't u tired of me getting fed up over the weirdest things? like how u say "where got time to do.." or u noe last nite when u said "this is the dam library?" i was like.. what?? seriously. aren't u tired of saying i'm sorry? aren't u tired of taking my crap?

life's too short for regrets. i'm not gonna sit around and regret about the things i did, the things i said, the things that i will do. if u think about it, 10 years passes oh so fast, why should we regret about the things we felt so right about? i'm done with feeling sorry. i'm done with saying "i wish..". i'm done with being just another someone. i'm done with taking.

if you stopped wanting, if you stopped waiting, if you stopped wondering, if you stopped and smelt the roses, what would it be? does the physical things define whats within?

-coming to the crossroad-

boy before and after sch! mee after driving.. =/ 

mummy going for dinneeer! 

chilling out~ 

yuum yum! 

THE FAT LADY HAS SUNG!

my goodness gracious me, its 11.17pm. i survived PHYSICS!! wooohoo. thank you LORD! hehe. if i can go thro' physics.. anyone can go thro' anything that their afraid of.. seriously. done with the major papers. wooooot, to me, the fat lady sung at 12pm.

i bought my.... DIGI CAM!!! woooooooot. YAPPY DOODLES. its an ixus 40. woooh. sooo gonna take tons of photos.. my batt is charging now.. hehe. will uploasd the photos.. later!! also purchased a webcam.. and also bought a pair of new flipflops at m)phosis cuz the slip ons i was wearing was killing me, so i threw away the old one.. AND WORE THE NEW ONE. like the chinese idiom.. the old must go, so that the new can come!!!!! =)

I LOVE MY NEW CANDY GADGETS!!! feel more equipeed to.... TAKE OVER THE WORLD [in pinky and the brain voices]. i have yet to shop since this sem started.. and i always treat myself to a good retail therapy to "奖励" myself after my exams. hehe. if u didn't noe, most of my stuff aren't from s'pore.. so when i tink about it, i hardly spend much on myself. so the remaining to-get list are... a pair of new shoes for driving and a new bik. wooot.

special thanks to: jo for accompanying me to find the flipflops walking back and forth, i seriously think we walked more than 10, 000 steps today. wooot. A GREAT WORKOUT! so thanks again for yr wonderful company.. hahaha. geoff - for thy expertise with e digi cameras.. or should i call u phelgm from now on? hahahahha. balls... the bangkok uncle and the DARLING shop guys should really shave their hairy *ss yah? grin. thanks for the mints too!

let me tell u guys something embrassing.. after TWO DECADES ON THIS PLANET.. i just found out that Fila is FilA always thought it was FILS! hahah. seriously. laughed our heads off in the train till our tears came out. i had such an awesome time. PLUS, i fell down while tryin to run up the bus. URGH. so embrassing. i got up and said SORRY to the bus uncle. how dumb can i get rite? hurr.. felt so embrassed!!! cuz i was like one of the last to board the bus!!! eeeeks. =/

anyway. to all still having exams, act i still have 2 papers. hahaha. but, JIAYOU!!! u guys are in my prayers.

-taking over the world-

its saturday. sorta finished with first round of physics 2 stuff. BUT, due to my goldfish memory esp when it comes to physics, i forgot practically what i did last week. attempted to do past year papers, and instead of feeling more confident, i feel like s**t.

i so DO NOT want to ta bao tis subject. no way hosea. i can't even remember what de broglie wavelength is.. the only thing i'm thankful for is, that we have appendix A and a sheet of the constants. GOD HELP ME ON MONDAY 9.30AM.

today ma and me stood at my window.. haha. it was sorta a funny moment, cuz we were checking out the construction going on at the field next to my house. my mum was sayin how all the bulldozers and all the construction vehicles looked so interesting and FUN! hahaha. yes, tats my mum for u. so for 15 min, i took a break from brain frying physics to spend 15min with my mum, staring at large vehicles moving soil from one portion to another. hahaha. pretty enjoyable actually. =)

so close to freedom, yet it feels like the finishing line is so far away cuz the obstacles in the way are killing me softly. bleeh. prep-ed for cell yesterday, so i can spend the whole night doing my FAV subject. i have to stop day dreaming about my to-do list. arrr...

so is de broglie wavelength h/p? and if E=hf, what's E?

just chatted with my cousin and she's getting an ipod mini, i so am getting it too. so here is the link..what colour should it be?? pink or silver?? let ME KNOW!! hmmm. sooo going retail therapy. http://store.apple.com/Apple/WebObjects/singaporestore

-i have no idea-

HELL WEEK'S OFFICIALLY OVER AS OF 4PM today!!

for the past few days, seriously leaned, slept, sprawl, clinged unto.. GOD. chun lek sent me an sms which said TRUST GOD FULLY. and i seriously TRUSTED. u noe how like if u were at the top of some scary ride, u try the very best to GRIP UNTO THE HANDLE BARS like yr life depended on it? yah. thats what i did.. with God. thank you for all yr prayers and uplifting sms-es.. really felt the love.. hahahha.

felt really low here and there during the week, and all i can say is that the Lord we serve is not one that forgets, not one that shelves u oneside and cares for u later, not one who will not do nothing and watch u go thro' it alone. had the worse headaches in my life during the span of 4 days.. felt like my brain was going to explode. but thank u all, my brain's fine now.. hehe. i got thro physics ONE on wed and i felt really encouraged. cuz my phobia of physics is like.. HUGE. saw my prayer coming thro' with every question i did. so THANK YOU LORD.

jan came to the jungle today for her interview, and sure enuff, she got lost. hahaha. but she found her way at the end of the day. don't we all just love getting lost in our campuses? HA. of course not.

I'M HAPPY!!! went jogging just now. woooo hoo. i looove jogging. met up with jo and we 85-ed today. hehe. ate BAK CHOR MEE. woooot. yumm yumm. i'm so super distracted with my to-do list that i tink i'm gonna smile all the way thro' my physics paper on monday.. hahahha. we are so gonna simpang soon OKAY. AA reunion!! woooopy!

to imnotwood: thanks for all the you-can-do-it sms-es. grin. helped a great lot. hehe. JIAYOU!! =)

-long may it wave-

SUNday, what a day its been. tis was what happened as the day unfolded...

1) sluuggyy sms-ed me at 8.28am tat she ain't feeling too well and keeps puking.. i seriously UNDERSTAND. pls get well soon girl.. you are in my prayers.

2) met cheney at 10.40am with our guitars and headed for our cell's fellowship sunday.

3)FELLOWSHIP sunday. ordered pizza. i nearly lost it with them[the boys]. serious. pushed me way way way beyond what i thought i could take. talked to them ONE by one as we walked to church, was very disappointed and i tink for the first time, i saw what they could be like in school. chinglu was shocked badly.

-this was my morning-

4)had our division meet till 1.15 with Bro Patrick. many changes =(

5)felt dry during P & W. and the boys behind me were making SO much noise.

when service ended, i was ready to leave. spoke to Kenny cuz i really am at a loss with the boys. seriously. really thankful tat he said tat he'll talk to them personally. nearly broke down while we were walking to church. saw ivan at the office and passed him panadol flu. had a brief conversation.

finnaally saw joanne after eons and eugene too.. so we all had lunch tog. felt better seeing them. to cut the long story short, we hung out for awhile before i came home and dropped dead. all i can say is that thank you Lord for sustaining me thro' today, without any tears, without getting too caught up with emotions.

the following 2 weeks will be a good test of how much i can deal with before i start making permanent changes. jian han sms-ed me just now and he felt so sucky about serving in music ministry cuz of some stuff. chinglu cried the afternoon away about the changes to come, and how lost she felt.

i'm ending this post with "this is the day tat the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it".

p.s: i'm happy for u ling[not tat yr sick part.. the other thing] =)

-comforted-

my heart hurts. was looking thro e old sms-es i've saved.. and i read Chelsie's sms-es. Chelsie's my cell member, but she's been MIA for the past 3 months.. i miss her. i miss the walks we use to take on the way back to church.. or laughin with her in church along with Yane.. i miss following up with her. i seriously wonder.. *how are u?*

brought to mind.. if one, just one of our cell members go missing, our own human heart hurts, how bout' the Lord?

u might be thinking, why don't i do something bout it? i have. we[the cell] have.. but to no avail. sms-ed her, called her, sent a card from the entire cell to her.. email-ed her.. did everything i could do, but there's one final option, go down to her sec sch to find her. *should i?*

shelving tis for now. i tink the to-do list after my exams seems to be getting longer. but definitely have time for syed. hehe. a time for AA!

terence sent me 3 brilliant songs last nite. one called "Proof".. really nice and funny. grin. my brains are messed up with Array now. = looking forward to cell! wooopy. rest and relax day.

to those that are down with FLU, COUGH or FEVER: take gallons of water, keep warm, eat more vitamins, sleep early and take tons of care. =)

-looking forward to seeing you, hopefully-

camp com! what a wacked time!!  

long overdued collage =) 

its 3.51pm. totally not wanting to do anything. filed up my maths notes, ONE down, 6 to go.

had a tough maths paper, serious. even the invigilator said so. God bless mee. =)

couldn't sleep the entire night. tossed and turned till like 5am? woke up to see my bloodshot eyes. but thankfully, was able to stay calm and wasn't tired while doing the paper, thank you Lord.

looking forward to cell on sunday, cuz its a jamming session and a fellowship sunday.

gotta focus on the upcoming THREE IN A ROW exams. i cannot ta-pao again. CANNOT. no no. the thing about doing a subject again is that, i've developed a bad phobia of physics. urrggh. so don't ask me why i'm in engine. tired of answering that question already. all i ask is to pass and clear both physics tis time round. yup.

okay. its decided, i'm gonna start doing quantum.

-so not the time of my life-

did 2 papers today. and looked thro some prog stuff. hurr..

went joggin at like 5ish cuz i couldn't take the sultry weather and i was feeling soo URGH with maths. my stamina has dropped like a gazillion. like when u throw a watermelon from the 12 storey, and it goes BLEEEEH! when it lands, yah, thats what i'm talking about. crap. =(

yah balls. happy for sluggy cuz she talked with *coughs*. hahaha. still can't believe i got ZERO on the test. the first time ever in my life i got zero on something.[k, there's a first time for everything, BUT WHY THIS. bleehh.] man.. maybe its true, tat i really dun pay attention. reality check. slap me now.

ahhh. whatever. prog is driving me close to nutty-land. initializing, loop this loop tat.. loop my brains.

dad's going to perth next week. WHICH MEANS THE CAR IS AVAILABLE. slap me another time. sis is flyin off next tues. one more month, and its my turn.

here's my quiz link. if you're free, go try! DISCLAIMER: it doesn't mean that if u fail, u don't noe me okay?! BUT if u do get zero, i know how u feel.
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050412130509-519320

-stand up for singapore-

its a monday, without the blues. good good.

had a long chat with dad in the car just now. yeah, a good 30 min. the last time i actually "talked" to my dad, was when i was 9 and i wanted to give up ballet. hahah. serious. i don't know how to explain our relationship. i mean, ya, we talk a bit when he sends me home from the jungle on fridays, but never really talk? the only time i heard my dad said i love u was when i was Primary 6. hahahha. wooot. BUT, he gets me, even if i dun have to say anything. thats my dad for u in a nutshel.. oh and if u thought i'm crazy, YOU HAVE YET TO MEET MY FAMILY. =)

he sorta gave me "life" advice. hahaha. yeah.. one of "The Talks" you'll have with yr dad someday. hahaha. told me about my Uncle who's like some asia pacific high up there in Shell.. interesting and at the same time reassuring. basically my dad said "Just do what u like. what u don't like, just give it up. if u want environmental engineering, go for it..." i love my dad.

the other day at brunch with my Uncle[same Shell uncle] and my Aunty, he spoke to me about job aspects and all e different kind of graduates he meets. hahaha. then he went, "Cordelia, so which engineering will u be choosing?" and i went.. "maybe environmental?" then he nodded his head, and said "mmm.. good good. cuz companies these days want to be more environmentally aware of things...." hahahaha. i just smiled and ate my laksa.

spoke to my sister online yest and it went well too. she's leaving for paris for a shoot soon. my family ain't perfect, and we do have our screams[yes, screams], but laughs too. hahaha. laughed with my dad all the way home just now. so i had a swell day today. plus managed to spend time with my mum too. so, i'm really blessed to have em. taking baby steps to bringing them, esp my bro to church.

3 days till exams. thankfully, i'm still calm. stressed but not really at my wits end cum many clips on the hair cum spending half the time fretting about what i do not know kind? hahah. its definitely God's grace or that i'm really leaving it in His hands.

feeling really happy about stuff now. family, cell, holiday, and you too. happy tat we cleared up some stuff last nite, happy tat we're in this together. ANYONE UP FOR BANGKOK in july?!!?!?!


everything's falling into place. one by one.. and yes, i'm getting a glimpse of the rainbow.

-happy tan-

unleash the POWER!

6 more days to my absolutely i-can't-wait exams. HURR, with a capital H in bold i tell u.

been at HOME, yes glorious blk 495F instead of the jungle. i love my home. so yah, gonna jus stay in and practise maths and do the usual prep-for-exams stuff. jigggaaaabooooo. practised maths for like 2 hrs, and i napped for 2.5hrs. hahah. i love my productivity. =)

spending more time with my bro. been eons since i did. so it was good. spoke to sue for like 1hr 45 min yest till 4am. haha. gooood talk.

yes, 3 more weeks and all this will be over. balls to exams! and my new co-leader is visiting tmr!! wooopy ay eh! =)

we'll finally have the talk. somehow, i tink God's preparing me for what's to come. slowly but surely... i tink i know what i have to do, not that i want to, but i need to. can't keep living in grey-ness. some days are just sooo messed up, and others are rosy. just feel so lost at times. i'm happy tat we're beginning to open up to each other. yes i am. very actually. i want u to see me without the walls that i put up, i want u to know the very true me, yet i'm so hesistant. cuz deep down inside, i'm afraid of losing u. dun get e wrong idea, i am who i am, just tat i don't go ard telling everyone the things that bother me and all tat kinda stuff? get my drift?

u matter a great lot to me. i've realised that my mood, and how i feel, they're usually contingent on how "we" are.. e.g: if we had a happy time and day out, i'd feel like.. FLY ME TO THE MOON[frank sinatra], and i'm like (+)ve 1 on e sine curve.


are we all waiting to be rescued?

-it has begun-

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has give us" Romans 5:3-5

hope. hope heals. hope empowers u for the day ahead, and hope does not disappoint. amen to that.

hope it encourages u as it did for me, esp in this time of exams and mugging and all this pointless sleepless nite for something that won't last for eternity. haha. BUT we know that in all this, He is with us, every step of the way. =)

-it isn't too late-

i'm okay. not exactly okay okay, but okay.

Friends are God's way of taking care of us
really really thankful for great friends like sluggy, sueann, feng, cheryl, bazhang, jo, eugene.. still blessed to be able to see His hand in my life, still able to appreciate His goodness and His awesome grace, cuz they are ever so much more magnified in my daily life than ever before.

mon, got an sms from jan regarding cheney.. so it was a good uplifter to know that, i am more than just a student, more than just a name. getting really excited about the changes happening in cell, really happy e more i tink about it. =)

tues, got a lovely letter from my friend [sufeng, aka giggley!]. really thank you, cuz once more i was brought to the crossroad where i felt His love and His comfort. and in this post, i wanna say, thanks for being more than a friend feng, esp during the whole ordeal of u know what. let's jiayou with prog. eeeee!

felt the roses, felt the thorns. experienced the good, walked thro' the bad. leaving all this aside for now, leaving my thoughts with it too.

perhaps we have to reach the very bottom of our emotions, to feel the pain, to feel all such empowering feelings, so that u can push off to greater heights? perhaps.


You say: "I'm not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

-shaken, not stirred-

here is part of champagne supernova.. my new found song of the week.

"How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
...
wipe that tear now away from your eye
slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a canonball
...
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky"

don't know why.. but i'm drawn to this song. cuz maybe this song echoes my heart... someday you will find me. yah, someday you will.

when this semester is over, maybe its time to say goodbye. all u ever wanted was for me to be happy, but why can't u see that i am. i'm not torn up inside, cuz i roughly know what i want. thing is.. i'm not sure that what i want is what i want?

maybe becuz no one can fully understand our hearts, thats why we turn to God. maybe becuz no one can always be there to support and hear our desperation, thats why we turn to God. maybe becuz all u ever needed was someone to tell u how much u are loved, tats why we need God.

i hate maybes, i hate buts, i hate if-onlys.. cuz why should we compromise for the things that we feel so right about YET doubt and realise that we missed our moments.

kodak moment : a time to every purpose under the Heaven

-someday u will find me, just not now-