CELL GATHERING. had like stayover at jess house!! weeeee hee.. eating is FUN~ we played like unsuccessful polar bear!!!! hahaha.. the usuals.. truth OR dare.. must give it to jess man! so brave....!!!!! nearly lost my temper with cheney ar!!!!!!!!! patience. woooa.

wanted to watch like DVD's BUT... e player was in her parents room.. so we ALL.. like all 8 of us.. stared at a 14 inch laptop screen..!! hahah.. THANK GOD it couldn't play.. so we watched..... Cheaper by the dozen on VCD! weee hee~ played MONOPOLY!!! hahah.. owed the bank like $1000 plus!!!! not forgetting the whole stretch of SCARY lanes!!! PICTIONARY was exciting~ wahahaha.. so exciting till i nearly kena ASTHMA!!!

COOKED like campbell and ate tuna at like 5ish in the weeeeeeee mornin.. slept soon after...! totally bummed! had SIMPANG for breakfast... yum. NOW... its time to reflect. need to jog like 200000000 km! realised i've slept like 8 hours in total for the past THREE days. God bless meee~

reality check, school's starting in FOUR days. hurr. back to bein "army boy". jus thankful .. i mean.. SUPER thankful for cell.. AA especially and family. 2005 jus ard the corner.. EXCITING.

-mee sua-

NUS CELL CHALET. weee hee! joanna can really BBQ man..! kyle is like.. brunei-ish. hurr. got to know Cheng Lu better!!! ya har.. didn't noe she was tis funnny... played taboo..! sueann's turn was funny.. she was like .. "bull..." and i SCREAMED.. "dog.." and she went.. "indians have it on their face.." and joanna went.. "COCONUT"!!!! ahahhaah.. that was hilarious.. ~ nonetheless.. no regrets going.. had a little AA and was a good time of getting to know ppl better.. so.. yay!

leaving for my cell outing later.. totally bummed out. sch's starting in 5 days.. eeks. super EEKS with a capital E. beginnin to question uni and stuff.. was talkin to sue and she was sayin how much she's enjoyin uni... and i asked myself.. "are u enjoyin uni?" hurr. no answer.. still searching.

well.. served for MS and first service.. and the song.. "let me be a sacrifice.. holy and acceptable.." jus keeps ringin in my head.. Jus let me be... u noe how yr heart jus aches and u wonder why? ya.. i'm in tat state now.. dunno why.. jus hurts. so much unsettled stuff esp with my life.. was ponderin bout it.. and all i can say is that.. its all SUPERFICIAL. it has nothin to do with God's will.. but mine. help.

STILL wardrobe shoppin.. haven't found one yet.. headache~

-still searching-

christmas eve.. eeeks. the mad rush of christmas card writing. lookin to AA later at ling's house.. so long overdued.

busy packin my whole house and my room, its it a huge mess cuz my parents are on this throw-away spree.. its high time anyway. so now.. all my clothes are like wardrobe-less. hurr. oh well.. jus very blessed with great parents and all. mum spring's cleaning and all so got to see their wedding photos! exciting.

stone's back! horray!! met up with jinli yest too.. lovely jus seeing him. we're goin shoppin on monday! yay. anyhow.. camp's over.. feel like i've seen a little more of God's great big heart and my puny brains. i'm jus so thankful to have Him to catch me whenever i fall.

i know i'm falling. i know that its by His grace that got me thro' everything. yet i still do it to myself.. i still let things happen when i can say no. always tempted.. and still i rise. i've reached a point where the only emotions i feel is anger or utter whateverness. so tired of dealing with stuff that my joy is derived from... emptiness.

not exactly lookin forward to sch cuz i have 2 physics modules. eeeks. which comes the question... is engineering what God has in store for me? i dunno. jus feel like droppin everythin and diggin a hole to stick my head.

i'm jus sorry the way things are. how circumstances jus pulls everything apart. i'm sorry how u bear the brunt of my anger and i can't live in denial anymore. i've tried for the past whole year and yet there is no end.

-merry christmas-

back from bangkok.. what a life changing experience. oh it was..

shoppin was great as usual, but this time round, i had severe food poisonin right on the day before i was coming home. it was the LONGEST nite in my entire life.. you know how u tink yr day couldn't have gone any worse and then BAM.. i couldn't stop puking. had so many quiet moments within myself, all those thoughts about what/who/when/how.. everything just flashed across my mind while i rested in between pukes or when i was layin down in bed. i saw all the faces of who i'd be leaving behind, how they were, all those fleeting moments that u plead would remain.. the story of my life.

yet here i am, back in singapore.. entering this post. what a mighty God we serve.. now i'm so much more willing to give up matters into HIS hands. realise that we are truly NOTHING. read Kenny's blog and something just clicked.. about being judgmental and see them as my co-workers and NOT my brothers and sisters in christ. how so very true.

before i left for bangkok, was piled with camp com stuff... many at times jus keep pushin myself to do a good job as admin, to prove my worth i guess? i've always felt that I have nothing much to offer as a person, like all i'm good at is talk crap. when i became a cell leader, it was high time i straightened out my life and outlook.. but how dronish life is.. i slipped back into me. tat was why time and time again before we had our meetings, we prayed and waited on Him and tat was when i got my footing back.

our worth is not determined by what we do for people to see. our worth is not determined by how much words we say cuz words are cheap. our worth is not determined by the temporal pleasures and insignificant things we do to run away from living. but slowly and surely.. i'm sure we'll find our worth in Him. like how the song goes.. "that's why we praise Him, that's why we sing, that's why we offer him our everything..." how bout us? do we? do we give him our everything cuz he did so for us?

finally got my exam results tis morning.. had 2B's, 3C's and a E. and because of that E, i have to retake that module.. which is.. PHYSICS FE1001. which translates to... i have TWO PHYSICS MODULES next semester. i dunno.. maybe its an indication that i'm not cut out to be in engine? show me the way...

2 more weeks left to a more busier me. parents are leavin to visit my grandma in malaysia tmr, how i wish i could go and visit cuz my grandma really wanna see us.. and i'd really wanna go and spend time with her before she leaves us.

Something hurts you, yet you know that it shouldn't. God help me with this one.

so, i'm ending tis post with, thanks for all the prayer support during that eventful nite.. THANNNNKKK YOOOOU so much! really felt.. supported to the maximus! lik those support pillows.. but mine was a gazzillion times better! very thankful and blessed to have gotten to work with all the camp com.. gotten to know tay much better cuz we take 293 home tog after meetings.. saw Kenny in a dif light.. a good different light.. everyone has just been .. great.
till the camp starts.. God is with us!

-WE WILL NEVER WALK ALONE-

http://squishy-hamburger.blogspot.com/!!! my cell groups blog! go check it out.. it KICKSASS! =)

anyhow.. i feel mighty overload awhile ago. so much data entry, but peace has prevailed. done with it.. feel guilty for leavin camp com for sunday to go bangkok. hurr. well.. hurr. tats all i can say. gotta settle everythin chop chop before i go.. so loadin some stuff unto cheney's shoulder's.. a chance for him to SHINE. grin.

TRUST. the word trust.. what a mighty mighty word. anyway.. during speedlight today, felt fiona's message was Definitely.. DEAD ON. all the D's.. but yar.. ultimately its.. DEVOTION.

feeling so squished up. like so much to do.. and soooooo swarmed with everything. jus lookin forward to how th week will be. leavin for my FAV land on friday.. filled with excitment yet.. well.. help. eeeeks. tats all i can say.

wow wee. first off, i have tis giant blueblack from rollerbladin yest! eeks!

read Tuesdays with Morrie today at BORDERS! my fav! sprawled at the Designated Children's area with my brother and emily.. and jus kept reading... interesting. my FIRST ever borders outing with my brother! had so much fun... i'll always remember e moment when he reached for my hands when goin up the mrt escalator...! mmm! walked to far east for lunch cum dinner and had the buffet.. at tat jap restaurant at the basement.. SPOILT MY MOOD AR! thoroughly annoyin when they didn't wanna clear emily's bowl cuz there were noodles inside. EEKS. talk about service in singapore.. we're like ranked 20 something.. tsk tsk.

read tis from tuesdays wif morrie... "the way you get meaning into your life is to devote yrself to loving others.." got me thinkin about my life. is it all a pursuit of things that seeeeems "meaningful" because we rationalise and base our "mm.. tats right/ok" cuz tats wat society or the world says. -shakes head-

my heart just feels sad.