feeling okay. feeling right with God.. felt His comforting arms thro' the week. its definitely by His grace tat i am okay.

friendships/relationships. all such big ships. all contingent upon each other. i love my friends, i love sluggy, small one, jo. felt so lost sometime back, didn't blog it cuz decided to hand it into His hands. its in His hands now, He's got my whole world in His hands[like e song goes]...

emotionally.. getting to rest. spiritually, His grace has been made ever so perfect in MY WEAKNESS. everytime i'm tempted, i jus tink about the cross, and i survive my temptations. thank you Lord for the cross. you have no idea.

was askin around and talkin to terence online the other day about How can a relationship glorify God? read Boy meets Girl and halfway thro' I kissed dating goodbye.. expectations. tsk tsk. how we consciously or sub-consciously expect from each other. felt really sian bout' stuff in e midst of last week, but am okay already.

had a chance to go shoppin with sluggy.. FINALLY. haven't spent quality time with ling since FOREVER, since the day we kena con on our tem jobs. hurr hurr. it was good.. good to meet up with her.. a good ending to the week. shoppping. i love shopping.

realise that as we grow older, as our days past, our walk with Jesus becomes ever so much more real. could it be that He's coming? or could it be that we're diving deeper into the word? felt really ministered during the short worship at leader's meet...

Ending this post with this song.. which reminded me, of me.

"Deep in my heart is a tug of war, I'm struggling to know what this life is for, and i try so hard to stay in control, to hold back the tears, to not let go.."

-it shouldn't be this hard-

just sent engie an email bout' leaving choir, as in.. not even singing for MS. feel at peace, but i do wanna talk to her!! yar yar yar! i still believe that face to face is much better and easier on the brains too.

JOINED YACHTING. ha. joined one of their activities coming up during the recess week! yay. finally.. some joy in my jungle-ish life. its gonna be at changi! even better.. nearer to my house! =)

SUEANN! i'm not angray with you for the millionth time k? go get thy vibes BACK PLEASE! hahaha.. small and lethal. hahahahaaaa.. OH! sluggy, hope thy 2 weeks will turn out better than my ONE YEAR. hahahaha!

today i finally let go. was able to treat my friend civil-ly. without ignoring or pretending that he isn't there. feels good. jus very thankful.. definitely not my own strength, confirm. realised that if i carried on being so.. indifferent.. not being a good testimony as a christian. must be do-ers. learning to forgive myself too. tsk tsk.

school jus ended. effective communication is interesting but the tutor is so not can. had an impromptu presentation jus now.. was pretty freaked out, wonder whether my face turned red. ha. lookin forward to CHINESE NEW YEAR AR!!!

-gong xi fa cai-

watched "Rear Window" by Alfred Hitchcock today.. very interesting. i think Grace kelly is absolutely gorgeous. yes.. coming from me. I'M STRAIGHT K. hahaha.. thank God for my cinematic module.. makes my BORING engine modules more exciting. really lookin forward to viewin more movies and learning how to appreciate film. learnt about the male gaze, voyuerism... i'm jus really thankful for this module.

my heart aches everytime i tink about whether i made the right choice. somehow i think its God's choice.. cuz i prayed.. "dear Lord, pls close the doors to those u dun want me to go". nvm, shan't be depressed. exciting week jus begun.

pilates. YAY! but before i went for pilates.. accompanied my fren to our sch's clinic.. man, everyone is having the FLU! so if u still dun have it.. THANK GOD and eat more vitamin C before its too late. after the doc's we went to the pool and swam.. 20 LAPS!! horray.. before goin for pilates. man.. ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED TO STRETCH AND DEFINE YR triceps or lower abs.. let me know! hahaha!! =)

anywayz.. tink i'll be able to make it for nus cell tmr.. yay. gotta go watch another film tmr though. so much to catch up.. so much to do. so.. i'm ending tis post with... I LOVE SOYABEAN.

-getting there-

its gonna be such an exciting/tiring/powerpact week.

had AA last friday. good AA. laugh so hard that i could have cried. saw jo... love her hair now. ha. man.. sluggy ar.. dun u jus wish u could fly? i do.

feel so burdened. yet at the same time very thankful for the many blessings. Cheney said something like tis in cell.. today u very happy ar?! i was like.. i jus had the longest week in the past year.. my insides are still undergoin some turmoil. but emotionally much better, much better now. thank you Lord.

some issues in my life still need to be ironed out, need to place some yellow lines on certain matters, yet i lack the will.

feeling inadequate is one feeling i detest the most. could it be that it isn't inadequacy but jus the lack of faith? i dunno. i know i can never be understanding enough at times. i know i can never be the perfect ideal. i know that yr still searching for the one yet here i am. i love the talks, i love the walks, i love the now.

this past one year... has taught me that my pillar must always be our wonderful savior. always. absolute. some stuff i have yet to do, cuz i lack the courage cuz i'm afraid of losing what i have right now. i need wisdom.. definitely.

happy to hear that all things workin out in bazhang's relationship! happy for you. =)

-moulds are pretty-

HANDS UP to jo man.. sorrieee! i can't believe i forgot my best bud's birthday. eeks. so bogged down with sch and life that i forgot its her 2 decades being alive in our world. hurr hurr. 13th jan. lucky no. SORRAY JO! =
passed my basic theory! praise the LORD. beginnin drivin on the 5th of feb.

special thanks to: sluggy for yr outright uncompromising attitude. abang! for yr support, prayers and PHONE CALLS when i really needed them.. u are GURU ONE AR! on my knees! hope u get.. GAP! grin. rachel tan, your advice has been God sent.

finally bought my organiser from paperchase. its tis cool black paperback organiser with spots on it. makes me happy. happy. long time since i last been truly happy.

met up with sec sch friends today. I LOVE U GUYS. tono's back from aust.. said i should put on more weight. hurr.. and to tink someone wants me to lose MORE. jus lovely catchin up with everyone. talked to alvin lai. speakin to him still makes me.. assured. we spoke about church, family... life and friends. spoke while we all walked to sunplaza park. it was a lovely walk. it was a lovely day.

as i re-collect what we spoke.. i felt.. comfortable. u noe like how u can jus sprawl on yr bed the entire day.. ya.. comfortable rite? yes.. i felt tat same way as we spoke. no tentions.. it was.. effortless. told him about what i felt he changed when he entered NDU.. and he agreed. u noe how u can be a guru about other ppl's life but not yours? yar.. tats me. hands and feet raised in agreement.

emotionally not rested. tot i was.. but still am not. i need to get away from stuff.. i need to talk.. i need to settle everything before i can be rested. i need to be able to let go and not regret. i need to know. i need you.

-walking in the park-

its been awhile.. so MUCH has happened..

1) count down at sluggy's house.. GOOD GOOD I TELL u! esp the buyin of ice at like 11.35pm on new year's eve! hahaha.. love AA. *hugs sluggy*

2) SCHOOL started. it started with a.. blehh. hahaha.. well.. yes, back to the jungle and stuff.. first day was super stressed out and runnin here and there to settle my modules.. jus so thankful that everythin went smoothly. yes indeed.. takin Cinema pleas and the Question of identity as my PE tis semester.. interesting~

3) my cell. very excited bout tis year esp since its a new year.. must get all the footing right.. stressing on punctuality.. yarp. workin on that in my life too.. punctuality. so much to do for them.. to do with them.. to do for the Lord! mm! exciting~

4) got my NEW WARDROBE! yay! its huge i tell u.. have to tip-toe to hang my clothes ar.. hahaa.. and yes.. it can fit the whole AA inside. hahaha.. k.. i'm exaggerating.. but jus noe its big.. BIG BIG BIG! happiness.

today was to the max. its like u feel so wronged, so resigned.. so lost for words that u just subject yrself to it all. on a brighter note.. while prep for cell yest nite.. felt ministered bout how God empowers us. His power is manifested thro' our weakness.. so true.. so very true. Bro Sam's message on the Hallmark of a new generation.. knocked rite thro my pulsating heart. still constantly blown away by His greatness, His love.. His wide arms.

changes.. changes are inevitable.. but do you think that changing for someone is "right"? i come from the we-should-never-change-for-someone school of thought.. at times i wonder.. why should i conform to the normalities of ordinary? there are definitely areas where i should change.. yet.. if i change, does it make me a better person? a better cordy? i do believe that change is part and parcel of growing up.. i guess i jus never wanna grow up.

Patrick said tis yesterday.. it was woah.. words of wisdom. He said.. that no matter what.. no matter how busy we are.. no matter how absurd we feel life is.. we MUST jus commit it to God's hand.. say a prayer like "lord.. i know i'm busy like siao, but i still want YOU to take control." i'm still workin on that.. he asked whether we could fully commit ourself to cell and speedlight for one year. 1 year. for one whole year.. jus devote to cell and speedlight. man.. i tell u.. must pray for guidance.

talked a little to kenny today. when he said.. "woah.. i prefer you fatter, like last time!" hahaha. i was in such a la-la mode. hahahaha.. yes, i'm slavish. honestly.. weight has bothered me on many occasions.. yes it has. anyway.. i signed up for pilates tis sem! wee hee~ exciting. gonna start my night joggin sessions soon.. waitin for the weather to clear up and all.. haha.. excuses. =)

right.. so.. jus feelin guilty cuz i ate a whole lot of ba qua jus now. do not eat ba qua.. cuz u'll have to jog for like a gazillion days. rite.. so.. i'm ending this post with.. if only u knew.

-pinching the fats on my tummy-